so here it is 5 something in the morning and i can't sleep....this is the 3rd night in a row!!! it's not from a lack of being tired...i live in a state of exhaustion. there is just too much on my mind right now, i guess....i can't get a dag-gum song out of my head! how ridiculous is this!! 1 song will keep me up all night! what in the world! so, because my mind REFUSES to shut off, i, of course, begin to think about jason and my kids and all that fun stuff! (which doesn't help shut my mind off either!)
cambree is having a horrible night anyways...i'm not sure why, though. i know she's trying to push through a molar...so..maybe her gums hurt?? i can't wait till she can talk to me and tell me what exactly the matter is! (i say that now, but i'm sure when she starts talking, i'll want her to stop talking again!) haha!! anyways, it's just a crazy night in the Slegers house tonight!
on a positive note, tomorrow will be 5 weeks and 6 days till jason graduates!!! YAY!!! i'm so ready for him to be home and for us to be a family again! God is already doing miracles left and right for us and i'm just so excited to see what He has planned for us when jason is home!! i haven't been this hopeful in awhile, but God always comes through! it's nice to live life with hope! even when the future is unknown and scary...as a Christian, we can go through those rough times and not see the "light at the end of the tunnel" and STILL have hope that God will carry us through. God is amazing...and i thank Him right now, for His mercy and His never ending love that keeps Him pouring out His buckets of blessings on me even though i'm so undeserving. What a might God we serve!! I have faith that He will continue to provide for jason and i and our kids! i know He has good things in store!! i can't wait to find out where He leads us!
just me!!
PF Changs!! yummy!!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
i'm back!
ok, so it's been forever since i've blogged anything...to be honest, i just don't know how i'mportant it is. i mean, i'd love to write more and keep people updated, but...i seem to do all that on FB so i don't find myself wanting to really sit down and write everything out again and again.
we are 11 weeks out from jay coming home:):) ok, it's still a long time away but the "smiley" faces are for me to try to stay positive! lol...its funny how all the little things that would usually annoy me about my husband...such as, how he never put his shoes away, or how he doesn't rinse the sink out after he brushes his teethe, how he is always late for EVERYTHING, oh! and also how it would take me longer to wake him up after a "nap" with the kids than waking the kids up themselves!! all of these things have frustrated me w/my husband for the past 5 years, but now...i'd give anything to have his shoes out on the floor, or to have clean the sink 2 times in one day.....funny how when we don't have that one person in our lives for awhile, everything kind of falls into perspective. hmm...just some things i've been thinking about lately. trying to be thankful for even the small things seems to come easier now than ever before. i'm letting things roll off my shoulders more with the kids than i did before jay left....while realizing that sometimes i really should just choose my battles and what i have to do to make it through the day might not be the "ideal" way other families go about it, but it's what i have to do for me and my kids.
I'm the type of person who would rather not think about jason being gone, or how much time we have till he comes back...if i don't think about it, then i can deal with it. i think my kids are the same way...each and everyone of them! well, cambree is sailing on through because she has no clue as to who her dad even is! so she doesn't know any better; however, noah doesn't want to talk about daddy. he doesn't even like to look at pictures of him. he'll occasionally ask me when daddy's coming home, but that's very rare. Isaac will look at the pictures with me (sometimes), and ask very few questions, but at least he'll look at them. he likes the fact that his daddy is a "soldier". i do know that for a fact because i hear he and noah playing "army" all the time now! (very endearing!) but even isaac doesn't talk about daddy...i think they are like me...that's how i deal with difficult situations...albeit, it might not be the healthiest way to go through life, but it's the only way i know how to be. i guess, i don't even talk about jason that much, myself. i mean, when people come up and ask me how he's doing i'll answer, but...that's about the extent of it. it seems to just be harder when i have to count the days and wait for his letters and write my own letters to him. i do write him; every monday and friday. i also send pictures once a week. i guess all military families are different and unique in the way they deal with their loved one being gone for an extended amount of time.
sometimes i do daydream about december being here...and how it will be to FINALLY see jason after almost 6 months! wow...1/2 a year without my husband...my best friend. i miss him. when i allow myself to sit down and think about him....it hurts. it's bittersweet. it's lonely. it's sad.
i know this was the best decision for us. the positives have already outweighed the bad, so for those reasons, i can press on. this isn't forever (as everyone and their mother keep telling me!)...and God bless you all, of course. but it is my reality now...at this moment...everyday. so yeah, it's easy to tell someone "it's not forever"....but that doesn't get me through my "now, at this moment". i know i will make it through because it's not forever, but i don't deal with "everyday life" because it won't be forever. this is 6 months of our lives that we will never get back. 6 months of memories that we had without him. 6 months of my kids life not understanding why daddy left.
God knew that we'd be here one day. He orchestrated all of this...i can see His hand now as i look back on the past year and a half of our lives. so, He won't leave us now. of this i am certain. This has been the toughest week by far. 8 or so weeks into his leaving, i finally broke down. (i made it farther than i thought i would!) but all of us are picking ourselves back up one day at a time! He'll be home soon:) and if he has to leave again, then we'll survive that as well. God is good...all the time. and one day, we'll look back on this time and "smile" :):)
we are 11 weeks out from jay coming home:):) ok, it's still a long time away but the "smiley" faces are for me to try to stay positive! lol...its funny how all the little things that would usually annoy me about my husband...such as, how he never put his shoes away, or how he doesn't rinse the sink out after he brushes his teethe, how he is always late for EVERYTHING, oh! and also how it would take me longer to wake him up after a "nap" with the kids than waking the kids up themselves!! all of these things have frustrated me w/my husband for the past 5 years, but now...i'd give anything to have his shoes out on the floor, or to have clean the sink 2 times in one day.....funny how when we don't have that one person in our lives for awhile, everything kind of falls into perspective. hmm...just some things i've been thinking about lately. trying to be thankful for even the small things seems to come easier now than ever before. i'm letting things roll off my shoulders more with the kids than i did before jay left....while realizing that sometimes i really should just choose my battles and what i have to do to make it through the day might not be the "ideal" way other families go about it, but it's what i have to do for me and my kids.
I'm the type of person who would rather not think about jason being gone, or how much time we have till he comes back...if i don't think about it, then i can deal with it. i think my kids are the same way...each and everyone of them! well, cambree is sailing on through because she has no clue as to who her dad even is! so she doesn't know any better; however, noah doesn't want to talk about daddy. he doesn't even like to look at pictures of him. he'll occasionally ask me when daddy's coming home, but that's very rare. Isaac will look at the pictures with me (sometimes), and ask very few questions, but at least he'll look at them. he likes the fact that his daddy is a "soldier". i do know that for a fact because i hear he and noah playing "army" all the time now! (very endearing!) but even isaac doesn't talk about daddy...i think they are like me...that's how i deal with difficult situations...albeit, it might not be the healthiest way to go through life, but it's the only way i know how to be. i guess, i don't even talk about jason that much, myself. i mean, when people come up and ask me how he's doing i'll answer, but...that's about the extent of it. it seems to just be harder when i have to count the days and wait for his letters and write my own letters to him. i do write him; every monday and friday. i also send pictures once a week. i guess all military families are different and unique in the way they deal with their loved one being gone for an extended amount of time.
sometimes i do daydream about december being here...and how it will be to FINALLY see jason after almost 6 months! wow...1/2 a year without my husband...my best friend. i miss him. when i allow myself to sit down and think about him....it hurts. it's bittersweet. it's lonely. it's sad.
i know this was the best decision for us. the positives have already outweighed the bad, so for those reasons, i can press on. this isn't forever (as everyone and their mother keep telling me!)...and God bless you all, of course. but it is my reality now...at this moment...everyday. so yeah, it's easy to tell someone "it's not forever"....but that doesn't get me through my "now, at this moment". i know i will make it through because it's not forever, but i don't deal with "everyday life" because it won't be forever. this is 6 months of our lives that we will never get back. 6 months of memories that we had without him. 6 months of my kids life not understanding why daddy left.
God knew that we'd be here one day. He orchestrated all of this...i can see His hand now as i look back on the past year and a half of our lives. so, He won't leave us now. of this i am certain. This has been the toughest week by far. 8 or so weeks into his leaving, i finally broke down. (i made it farther than i thought i would!) but all of us are picking ourselves back up one day at a time! He'll be home soon:) and if he has to leave again, then we'll survive that as well. God is good...all the time. and one day, we'll look back on this time and "smile" :):)
Monday, August 16, 2010
just meaningless mumble...
so, kids are in bed...yes, late tonight....we ran soooo many errands this morning that i guess it just wore them out! so their nap ran way late this afternoon. no biggie, really...i mean, they do great; it's just me who doesn't get to have the evening "off". all in all, it really isn't bad. they like staying up late on occassion. it's just putting them to bed is like a 2 edged-sword! i hear all this "talk" about how bedtime is just supposed to be like, reading a book, and singing a song, and then watching your sweet child fall into dreamland while you're rocking them methodically back and forth in their dimly lit bedroom. haha...good for you....whoever you are "supermom", but in this household, it's like..."isaac! come brush your teeth....noah, pull your pants up!!" "noah, stop drinking water!"; "isaac, you'd better stop playing around and listen to me! it is bedtime!"....so after all that...they are finally in bed...now i'm feeling guilty cause we have to say our prayers and i've so not been a good testimony for them, but i proceed and then i get from both boys..."i gotta go potty!!!" i'm like..."you just WENT potty!!!!" OK!, you'd better push something out or you're gonna be in trouble!!" hurry!!"....haha...(i'm all bark and no bite when it's this late at night!)....anyways....then noah starts crying cause i'm rushing them....isaac starts getting a second wind....ugh...we get them back in bed and say our prayers...then its..."i need another hug and kiss!! (keep in mind, i've already given them 3 or 4 already)....ok, so here's round 5! then its..."i need a drinky!!"....for real!?!
anyways....i could go on and on but i think you get the picture...lol...i mean...yes, i'll chuckle now about it...but man, in those moments i'm just thinking, "GOOOO TOOOO BEDDDD!!!" haha....idk if any of you experience this, but everything i read in the magazines seems to soooo far off from what i experience. maybe it's me, but if i let up for 1 second then it'll be 10pm before they get into bed!!! it's a 2 edged sword for me....
we are going on the 1 month mark for jay being gone! he's doing well. we don't get much time to talk, but he's healthy and enjoying himself! i just want him back here though....i'm glad he's happy. i'm not used to him being gone, but....i just am not constantly thinking about it anymore...so i guess that's a good thing!
ok...i'm off to write to jay a letter and then go to bed!!
anyways....i could go on and on but i think you get the picture...lol...i mean...yes, i'll chuckle now about it...but man, in those moments i'm just thinking, "GOOOO TOOOO BEDDDD!!!" haha....idk if any of you experience this, but everything i read in the magazines seems to soooo far off from what i experience. maybe it's me, but if i let up for 1 second then it'll be 10pm before they get into bed!!! it's a 2 edged sword for me....
we are going on the 1 month mark for jay being gone! he's doing well. we don't get much time to talk, but he's healthy and enjoying himself! i just want him back here though....i'm glad he's happy. i'm not used to him being gone, but....i just am not constantly thinking about it anymore...so i guess that's a good thing!
ok...i'm off to write to jay a letter and then go to bed!!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
i just really miss him....
let me just start by saying, i don't want this to be a sappy, country love song type of post; however, i'm afraid that's what it will turn into! so, just bare with me. i'm not even a fraction of the way thru this whole ordeal with my husband being gone, and it seems like he's been gone for a whole year instead of the 2 weeks in reality. i can see myself filling up any spare moment with probably meaningless tasks just so i don't get a chance to sit down and think about him.
5 1/2 years ago, Jesus sent a guy across my path and i never have been the same. I've been stretched as a person, love has been put thru the fire, and trust has never been stronger with anyone else in the world. He keeps me on my toes, puts me in my place when needed, loves me unconditionally, takes pride in my accomplishments, encourages me to see Christ thru a child's eyes, and, what else can i say? He's my best friend, my love, my heart, my hope. and now he is thousands of miles away. i don't trust anyone like i trust Jay. i have so many things i can't wait to share with him when does finally return. i look at my kids and just see him in their faces.
i'm so proud to be with someone like jay. if any of you knew the kind of person i was before i met him...then you can understand why I am proud to be with HIM. i was throwing my life away left and right, so for me to end up with jay can only be described in 1 word...Mercy. jason was my "saving grace", if you will. God sent him to bring me out of the pit i had dug for myself. Now, i hope the title of this post makes sense. it's more than just "oh yeah, my husband is away and it's hard raising 3 kids by myself"....oddly enough, i can get over that...what's hard is having the other half of me gone....my best friend, my love, my life, my hope.
i love you jay...come home safely! we are ok here...but we ARE not whole without you!
5 1/2 years ago, Jesus sent a guy across my path and i never have been the same. I've been stretched as a person, love has been put thru the fire, and trust has never been stronger with anyone else in the world. He keeps me on my toes, puts me in my place when needed, loves me unconditionally, takes pride in my accomplishments, encourages me to see Christ thru a child's eyes, and, what else can i say? He's my best friend, my love, my heart, my hope. and now he is thousands of miles away. i don't trust anyone like i trust Jay. i have so many things i can't wait to share with him when does finally return. i look at my kids and just see him in their faces.
i'm so proud to be with someone like jay. if any of you knew the kind of person i was before i met him...then you can understand why I am proud to be with HIM. i was throwing my life away left and right, so for me to end up with jay can only be described in 1 word...Mercy. jason was my "saving grace", if you will. God sent him to bring me out of the pit i had dug for myself. Now, i hope the title of this post makes sense. it's more than just "oh yeah, my husband is away and it's hard raising 3 kids by myself"....oddly enough, i can get over that...what's hard is having the other half of me gone....my best friend, my love, my life, my hope.
i love you jay...come home safely! we are ok here...but we ARE not whole without you!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
hot hot hot!
wow!! it is sooo hot in florida right now! we have had the first full week with jay being gone, and we are fairing well! he was allowed to call me for 5 minutes on sunday! wow...i've always thought that even 1 minute is a lot longer than we all think...but now i feel differently! 5 minutes talking to jay(which basically sounded like, "hey babe! i love you! i miss you!" and jay.."i love you to. ok i have to go now!") to be honest, we got to say a little more than that, but not too much.
the kids are doing pretty well, but they are now starting to cry extra hard when they get in trouble or get hurt. and without fail it always ends with, "i miss my daddy!". so, with the idea from another friend, i have gotten a jar full of hershey kisses (1 for everyday that jay is gone). We eat 1 every night before bed..."chocolate kisses fromm daddy!" (thank you deanna for the idea!) we also made chore charts yesterday so that the kids can earn stickers every day for their certain chores and then at the end of the week they will get paid for .50 cents for every sticker they have on theire chart for the week! so they will both have the chance to get $3 a week...cause i'm on ly mkaing them do Mon thru Fri. chores. we will see how it works out!
overall, we are blessed. can't wait to find a place of our own! that's the next order of business!!
the kids are doing pretty well, but they are now starting to cry extra hard when they get in trouble or get hurt. and without fail it always ends with, "i miss my daddy!". so, with the idea from another friend, i have gotten a jar full of hershey kisses (1 for everyday that jay is gone). We eat 1 every night before bed..."chocolate kisses fromm daddy!" (thank you deanna for the idea!) we also made chore charts yesterday so that the kids can earn stickers every day for their certain chores and then at the end of the week they will get paid for .50 cents for every sticker they have on theire chart for the week! so they will both have the chance to get $3 a week...cause i'm on ly mkaing them do Mon thru Fri. chores. we will see how it works out!
overall, we are blessed. can't wait to find a place of our own! that's the next order of business!!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Military Life...Military Wife??!!
ok...i have not blogged in awhile, but that comes with good reason. My husband joined the army and just shipped off for 20 weeks yesterday!! so...the last month was spent with him and the kids trying to squeeze in every little activity we could!! such activities included...going to the beach...enjoying and full day at Sea World...doing some mindless "shopping" (with Zippo dollars in the bank)...and we ate out occasionally (again with Zippo dollars in the bank!)...hah!
my goal is to blog daily while Jason is away. now as reality sets in...i'm gonna be happy with blogging 1 time a week! i mean, come on!...i'm a mom of 3 VERY active babies and i do a TON of cakes every week! anyways...i will try my best no matter what. This blog will be my best friend for 5 months! lol:) so either enjoy or...don't read! :)
so, like i have mentioned, my husband is off to basic training and then A.I.T school to be Military Police. now, let me just explain how "funny" God is. the only 2 people i said i would NEVER marry (when i was younger) was someone in the military and someone who is a cop! hmm...God has jokes, people...big funny jokes! How interesting and utterly ridiculous it is for us to sit here and think that "we" are controlling our lives! God, in His unique and sovereign way, is up in heaven...planning and orchestrating every single second of our lives! He allows so many different trials to come into our lives...He never causes them, but he does allow them for some reason. Most of the time, it's to bring us back to Him. i completely bow down before Him right now and give Him all the glory and honor. He is so powerful and loving, simultaneously! I am nothing without Him! Thank you Lord, for caring enough about me and my family to guide us and direct us even when we act "so human".
i'm not entirely positive that reality has set in yet. I'm a military wife...what the heck does that even mean?? i feel as though jay is only on a business trip and will return in a few days. (it's called denial...i know that). my kids are clueless to where "daddy" went...but when it does set in that daddy isn't coming back for awhile....i wonder how they will take it. i'm grateful for the opportunity God has given our family...and i'm looking forward to where he will lead us from here. i miss my husband...it's only gonna get harder as the weeks pass, but i know that this will all be worth it in the end!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
HOT HOT HOT!!!
oh my word! haha...how ironic is it, that when it's 50 degrees in florida during the month of april, people are complaining (ok ok...i was totally complaining to)...and now that it's 100 degrees like it's supposed to be in florida, people are STILL complaining!! ha! i can say that i'm NOT complaining! i'd rather be hot than cold ANY day!! i guess it helps that we have a pool in the backyard, but still, i'm so LOVING reading people's FB status'!! it totally proves that we as humans, can NEVER be satisfied! i'm so including myself in that statement as well!
on a lighter note, my son, isaac and i started making a papier-maiche or "pinata" to most people! ;) we'll finish it tomorrow if we did it correctly! it's drying now! we just blew up a balloon and then started gluing the newspaper to it! i'm so excited! isaac loved it because his hands were all gooey and slimy from dipping the paper! he thought it was the best! we are making it for father's day! yes! i bought candy and all!! and YES! jay will be blindfolded and try to hit it and break it! haha, i'm planning some fun relay games for father's day that we all can enjoy! instead of buying a few gifts that we can't afford anyways, i am thinking that this year we will just spend the afternoon playing games as a family! and not just board games; i'm talking relay games like we all used to play when we were young! how exciting!! (at least i think so!!)
on a lighter note, my son, isaac and i started making a papier-maiche or "pinata" to most people! ;) we'll finish it tomorrow if we did it correctly! it's drying now! we just blew up a balloon and then started gluing the newspaper to it! i'm so excited! isaac loved it because his hands were all gooey and slimy from dipping the paper! he thought it was the best! we are making it for father's day! yes! i bought candy and all!! and YES! jay will be blindfolded and try to hit it and break it! haha, i'm planning some fun relay games for father's day that we all can enjoy! instead of buying a few gifts that we can't afford anyways, i am thinking that this year we will just spend the afternoon playing games as a family! and not just board games; i'm talking relay games like we all used to play when we were young! how exciting!! (at least i think so!!)
Saturday, June 12, 2010
wishing it didn't have to end...
we are having such a blessed weekend! we found out that jay passed his ASVAB test to get into the military! :) yay...here comes a job!! woo woo!! and he'll be sworn in sometime this coming week. what an experience this will be! my husband has on the the MILITARY channel right now and it is showing how the people in bagdad blew up a US army truck. :( i mean, we are pretty much guaranteed that he will have to serve at least 1 tour even though he is only doing the RESERVE right now. BUT, we know this is the way that we are supposed to go and other families have it worse than we will. we are thankful...very thankful for the opportunity to make some money and have a job. as of now, he will be shpped off to basic training August 25 and he'll go straight to A.I.T school for a total of 29 weeks gone :( again, most families have it worse than we will. and we also know, from other military friends, that the military always changes so this info is based on what they have told us now. anyways, praise the lord for this opportunity!!
last night we had a fabulous time hosting the high school youth group at the house for a luau!!! limbo, tiki torches, leis, s'mores....ahh...what else could be more fun?! NOTHING!! haha...it was fun watching the kids do a hula relay and play "feed the monkey"! we laughed, and screamed, and just enjoyed life! we spent all day cleaning and setting up and about an hour before guests were to arrive, an ominous cloud gathered in the sky and drenched everything! lol, we don't know why these things happen, but it didn't stop us at all! we did all the games in the rain and the kids jumped in the pool (yes, even in the rain and thunder)! to be honest, i think the luau was a much better hit in the rain! it was hilarious! the night ended with all of us sitting in a circle playing catch phrase!!
this morning, one of isaac's friends had a birthday party! they played "pirates" filled with a treasure map, a plank, and pirate hats! he had a blast! now, we are off for a game night with friends! our kids are getting ready to be tucked into bed as we slip out for the evening! hence why the title is "wishing it didn't have to end..." what a hysterical and wonderful weekend!
last night we had a fabulous time hosting the high school youth group at the house for a luau!!! limbo, tiki torches, leis, s'mores....ahh...what else could be more fun?! NOTHING!! haha...it was fun watching the kids do a hula relay and play "feed the monkey"! we laughed, and screamed, and just enjoyed life! we spent all day cleaning and setting up and about an hour before guests were to arrive, an ominous cloud gathered in the sky and drenched everything! lol, we don't know why these things happen, but it didn't stop us at all! we did all the games in the rain and the kids jumped in the pool (yes, even in the rain and thunder)! to be honest, i think the luau was a much better hit in the rain! it was hilarious! the night ended with all of us sitting in a circle playing catch phrase!!
this morning, one of isaac's friends had a birthday party! they played "pirates" filled with a treasure map, a plank, and pirate hats! he had a blast! now, we are off for a game night with friends! our kids are getting ready to be tucked into bed as we slip out for the evening! hence why the title is "wishing it didn't have to end..." what a hysterical and wonderful weekend!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
SLOW DOWN!!!
ok! so i know i haven't written a single thing in like...i don't know...let's just say FOREVER! obviously, we all know that it hasn't been that long, and i only started this blog a few weeks ago; but it has somehow become therapy for me! lol...(a lot cheaper than getting professional help!) i don't even know how to use this blog to it's fullest capacity; however, it's not like that for me. i guess i'm not even worried if anyone even reads these short incriptions into my soul. my days are so jam packed with "stuff" that i just can't seem to take 5 minutes to write even a little something daily!
Now, this week, was pure MAYHEM...(spell check??) i had 3 cakes due for 1 graduation party this past saturday! but all was successful!! very excited and proud of myself, and now i can feel that i'm not 21 anymore this week!! haha...i'm dragging! i know all the moms out there will understand when i say, "im kinda glad my kids have colds and ear aches! lol...they just want to lie in bed and watch Scooby Doo!" which in turn, gives me opportunity to just have a 'chill' day!
we went to the lake house yesterday and it was so wonderful to see isaac and noah baiting their hooks and catching little fish by themselves!! even I baited my own hook and caught a few;) woo-woo!! go me!! :):) i've become such a pansy since motherhood! lol...but i'm working on discovering myself again!! all in all, this week that i've missed writing about turned out to be pretty rewarding and special! yes, very cumbersome and tiresome at the same time, but the good seems to always outweigh the bad!
Now, this week, was pure MAYHEM...(spell check??) i had 3 cakes due for 1 graduation party this past saturday! but all was successful!! very excited and proud of myself, and now i can feel that i'm not 21 anymore this week!! haha...i'm dragging! i know all the moms out there will understand when i say, "im kinda glad my kids have colds and ear aches! lol...they just want to lie in bed and watch Scooby Doo!" which in turn, gives me opportunity to just have a 'chill' day!
we went to the lake house yesterday and it was so wonderful to see isaac and noah baiting their hooks and catching little fish by themselves!! even I baited my own hook and caught a few;) woo-woo!! go me!! :):) i've become such a pansy since motherhood! lol...but i'm working on discovering myself again!! all in all, this week that i've missed writing about turned out to be pretty rewarding and special! yes, very cumbersome and tiresome at the same time, but the good seems to always outweigh the bad!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
just a lil' something!
i'm exhausted! i've been up since 6 a.m!!! i know!! it's saturday!! what the heck! lol...i had to finish a graduation cake this morning! it turned out amazing and oh you know me...i went all the way to deliver the cake and se it up, then looked around and noticed i forgot my camera at home!! again...what the heck! o-well...it looked really cute! i was very pleased with it! (so were the clients and that is the ultimate goal!)
after that my husband came home from working...need i say it again?...what the heck! working on a saturday! lol...it's ok, we made a little extra cash and we all know how nice that is! we all hopped in the pool and before long, isaac, our 4 year old, decides to start letting daddy throw him in the water!! i'm so proud of him! what joy it is to see your kids conquer their fears! now, he has never been afraid of water, in fact, just the opposite! He is our little water bug, but he does have a hesitation when it comes to just jumping off the side and into the water with no one there to catch him. what a brave little guy we have!
it really just encourages me to keep pushing myself to conquer my own fears and hesitations. just a little faith and determination, i can achieve some of the things that i really want to do with my life! of course it's not gonna be easy. it wasn't easy for isaac to just flat out trust that he could jump in and swim to the stairs himself! of course, he also had to trust that jay would save him if for some reason he didn't make it to the side! but he tried, and that is what counts, right? i mean, he would have never known what he was capable of unless he threw caution to the wind and jumped off the edge! i'm still so proud of him! WAY TO GO ISAAC!
challenge for the day: grab your dream and run with it! even if you have a simple dream/goal of losing weight, or eating healthier, or spending more time with family, or doing 100% at work, or to just wake up on time and NOT press the snooze button 5 times! hah:) we all know we've done that! whatever your "goal"/"dream" is...just....JUMP!!!
after that my husband came home from working...need i say it again?...what the heck! working on a saturday! lol...it's ok, we made a little extra cash and we all know how nice that is! we all hopped in the pool and before long, isaac, our 4 year old, decides to start letting daddy throw him in the water!! i'm so proud of him! what joy it is to see your kids conquer their fears! now, he has never been afraid of water, in fact, just the opposite! He is our little water bug, but he does have a hesitation when it comes to just jumping off the side and into the water with no one there to catch him. what a brave little guy we have!
it really just encourages me to keep pushing myself to conquer my own fears and hesitations. just a little faith and determination, i can achieve some of the things that i really want to do with my life! of course it's not gonna be easy. it wasn't easy for isaac to just flat out trust that he could jump in and swim to the stairs himself! of course, he also had to trust that jay would save him if for some reason he didn't make it to the side! but he tried, and that is what counts, right? i mean, he would have never known what he was capable of unless he threw caution to the wind and jumped off the edge! i'm still so proud of him! WAY TO GO ISAAC!
challenge for the day: grab your dream and run with it! even if you have a simple dream/goal of losing weight, or eating healthier, or spending more time with family, or doing 100% at work, or to just wake up on time and NOT press the snooze button 5 times! hah:) we all know we've done that! whatever your "goal"/"dream" is...just....JUMP!!!
Friday, May 28, 2010
One Tree Hill...
ok, i'm totally OBSESSED with OTH!! i know, i know...i'm probably too old to be, but i just can't help myself! i'm really into it. i even watch the reruns...seriously, like, everyday!! Haha...and i've already seen every episode. but it's ok, i'm not off the deep end or anything, but definitely a HUGE fan! anyways, i have been decorating all day! i'm doing a graduation cake and cupcakes that's due tomorrow morning. while the kids are napping, i'll normally turn on OTH and go about my business. that was my routine yet again today! while i was semi-engrossed in the episode where Jami turns 5...AGAIN , i realized that essentially, this show is telling the story of 7 teens who go thru high school together and then after college they reunite back home in Tree Hill. so, realistically, these 7 "teens" are now around the age of 22. let me give you a quick run down...Lucas is a successful author, Peyton owns a record label and has a successful artist making money, Brooke is filthy rich with her own clothing line, Haley is a singer/songwriter and nathan is an aspiring basketball player who has made tons of money with his career before a very dramatic back injury that took him out of the game. they have a son, Jami, and a huge house with a pool and everything else you can imagine. Skills is a ball coach with lucas and Mouth is an anchorman. does anyone else see what's wrong with this picture?? i was thinking today, like...NONE of these "supposed" 22 year olds are simple, everyday people. A normal 22 year old DOES NOT have money like that! is anyone getting my drift yet?? while i LOVE the show and remain a devoted fan, i still can't help but think that it's shows like this one(amongst every OTHER show on the CW) that give kids these days a skewed vision of what growing up really is like. 22 year olds should NOT be living in mansions and driving the MOST expensive cars and have their "dream" job. now, if you happen to be young and rich and all, then kuddos to you. I have a feeling you might have been born into that lifestyle instead of gaining all of your fortune in 4 short years of college! if not, then still, kuddos to you! however, i still think that these shows even affect the way i view my life. i'm 27 and i DO NOT have hardly any money in the bank, i am living with my parents cuz my husband lost his job, we only have 1 car, 3 kids, and NO designer clothes. My husband doesn't have his "dream" job and our kids don't have all the new and trendy toys like a lot of other kids. So what does this make me??? a failure? hmm...if i go by the standard of most of the citcoms and tv series that are geared for the teens these days, then YES, i'd be considered a failure.
how utterly RIDICULOUS! I have a husband who LOVES me, 3 kids who just make my world a spin happily 'round and 'round, a dependable car to get me from point A to point B, a supportive family who will take me in when needed, food to fill all of our tummies (and more unfortunately!), clothes to make us look decent and in style(for the most part. i'd still love to have some nice designer jewelry and shoes and all!), and we all are very healthy people! why should i even second guess myself? yes, i desire to have more money so we can provide better for our kids, but i'll tell you what; my kids laugh and we play games and read books and have FUN being with each other! money can't buy that kind of happiness! i'm not stupid, money can buy a LOT of things...it can definitely make life easier in some ways, but it complicates life in many other areas.
my point is, i don't think these shows are "wrong"; however, if you have a problem with being satisfied and content, then maybe some of us should shut OFF the tv and spend more time sharing our life with the people or things that make us happy! tv is NOT real. even reality tv is NOT reality!! everythinig is staged and scripted and FAKE!! i think it's risky to have our kids watch these shows unless we as parents follow up with them and help them understand that those people are PAID to play a part. that's it! it's NOT how life really is. until we as parents filter what are kids are watching, who are kids are hanging out with, where are kids are going, and when they will be home, this next generation will be the ruin of america. ALL takers and NO givers! a country can't last long with that mentality. our country wasn't founded on that kind of mentality! Our country would not have been built at all had it not been for men and women who pioneered through thick and thin to get to a land where they could live freely. That required hard work from EVERYONE! i don't know how long this country will last when people would rather be famous than be a good mom or dad, or just a decent human being.
look around you right now. i guarantee you can find 5 people or things that bring you happiness. i'm not talking superficial here. i mean legitimate happiness. Christ and my salvation is number 1! jason, my husband is number 2! my kids are number 3! my church is number 4! and the ocean is number 5!! legitimate happiness. so stop thinking you are a failure. who cares what the world says!! you were made in the image of Christ! you were bought with a price and you are loved more than you could EVER IMAGINE!
so, enjoy all of the shows that you like! i still watch OTH! but i realize it's fake! i realize that my life is real and i'd never trade it for the world!
how utterly RIDICULOUS! I have a husband who LOVES me, 3 kids who just make my world a spin happily 'round and 'round, a dependable car to get me from point A to point B, a supportive family who will take me in when needed, food to fill all of our tummies (and more unfortunately!), clothes to make us look decent and in style(for the most part. i'd still love to have some nice designer jewelry and shoes and all!), and we all are very healthy people! why should i even second guess myself? yes, i desire to have more money so we can provide better for our kids, but i'll tell you what; my kids laugh and we play games and read books and have FUN being with each other! money can't buy that kind of happiness! i'm not stupid, money can buy a LOT of things...it can definitely make life easier in some ways, but it complicates life in many other areas.
my point is, i don't think these shows are "wrong"; however, if you have a problem with being satisfied and content, then maybe some of us should shut OFF the tv and spend more time sharing our life with the people or things that make us happy! tv is NOT real. even reality tv is NOT reality!! everythinig is staged and scripted and FAKE!! i think it's risky to have our kids watch these shows unless we as parents follow up with them and help them understand that those people are PAID to play a part. that's it! it's NOT how life really is. until we as parents filter what are kids are watching, who are kids are hanging out with, where are kids are going, and when they will be home, this next generation will be the ruin of america. ALL takers and NO givers! a country can't last long with that mentality. our country wasn't founded on that kind of mentality! Our country would not have been built at all had it not been for men and women who pioneered through thick and thin to get to a land where they could live freely. That required hard work from EVERYONE! i don't know how long this country will last when people would rather be famous than be a good mom or dad, or just a decent human being.
look around you right now. i guarantee you can find 5 people or things that bring you happiness. i'm not talking superficial here. i mean legitimate happiness. Christ and my salvation is number 1! jason, my husband is number 2! my kids are number 3! my church is number 4! and the ocean is number 5!! legitimate happiness. so stop thinking you are a failure. who cares what the world says!! you were made in the image of Christ! you were bought with a price and you are loved more than you could EVER IMAGINE!
so, enjoy all of the shows that you like! i still watch OTH! but i realize it's fake! i realize that my life is real and i'd never trade it for the world!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
When will i STOP learning?
i awoke with a "scare" this morning! have you ever slept through your alarm and all of a sudden, you awake and jump out of bed frantically searching for something (of course, you don't know what because your mind is still sleepily jumbled in a hundred directions); and then just as suddenly, you sit down; take a breath and finally compose yourself? WELCOME to my morning!!:) however, i didn't get to the "sitting down and composing yourself" part, because at the moment i finally realized i was waking up, my sneaky little "lions" came in and yelled "raooar" at me!! and of course, being the ALWAYS loving and tender mom i am (sarcastic!), i quickly silenced them with a "SSHHH" instead of playing along with them and welcoming them with an ever so needed hug! WOW! what can i say? i'm human? i literally was still "sleeping"? i was confused? i mean, is there ANY excuse for my reaction? now, in this day and age, most people would say, "oh monica! you had just woken up! you didn't know they were there! don't be so hard on yourself!" hmm...good point! if i didn't yearn to be the BEST mom ever, then i'm sure i could accept that excuse and move on! however, like i stated in my last post, i feel things to the very darkest and most recess corners of my soul; so please, understand the conflict i find inside myself! most people would dismiss the incident; i most certainly cannot!
ok, enough beating around the bush! let me just be unashamedly honest! after i did "come to my senses" i realized that i was going to snap at them for being out of bed! (i didn't snap at them because i caught myself) again, if you know me, sleep is VERY important in our family! i believe that kids should take naps and have a decent bed time every evening! (obviously there are exceptions to every rule depending on family activities for the day/night) Jay and i have also taught our kids not to get out of bed until mommy or daddy come get them! this morning was a perfect example of WHY we don't want them wandering around the house when everyone else is sleeping! Lord only knows what they could get into!
anyways, back to my point! when will i EVER learn to err on the side of love and compassion instead of "going back to the rule book!" my goodness! i've NEVER been one to follow the rule book! ahh...yet another facet of my personality change since becoming a mom! hmm...personality change?? i have always liked my personality, for the most part! i'm pretty easy going...definitey the definition of "fun" whenever we're hanging out with friends...i'm also very thoughtful and kind. i don't want a personality change! maybe i wouldn't mind so much if i thought the changes were all positive; however, 1 HUGE flaw in my personality that has been THROWN in my face during this whole "motherhood" thing, is how selfish i am in my heart. it never came out very often before kids; now afterwards, when from sun up to sun down my whole world is but not limited to: apple juice, diapers, sippy cups, plastic silverware and spiderman underwear, oh! can't forget Playhouse Disney!! (my favorite show is most definitely handy manny! Mr. Lopart is ridiculous!) i certaintly believe that every kid needs rules, i believe the parents should both be in agreement with and enforce each rule. But, Christ didn't live by a bunch of rules. as a follower of Christ, i should live by the Holy Spirit's guidance. so, i could practically say that, "if i would 'be still and know' more about Christ, I would be more lead by the Holy Spirit to be less selfish when the kids get up 30 minutes early cause the sun comes up early now!" I would be more lead by the Spirit to err on the side of love and compassion, correct??
this whole event probably was 5 seconds from start to finish! and my boys and i have had a GREAT day! ( cambree as well! lol...) We have been on nature hikes today and read a few books as well! we ate Lightning McQueen chicken noodle soup with Ritz crackers for lunch and now they are napping! They probably didn't think anything about my "SHH" this morning! I wonder if my kids will ever know how much time i actually spend loving them in my heart, thinking about them when they sleep, watching them when they play, praying that each of them will accept Christ at a young age, and also, racking my brain and my emotions with how much my attitude and actions will shape and mold their little lives!!! will they EVER fully be able to comprehend this? or is it something in life that everyone has to experience to fully be aware of the endless task and labor of love parenting really is! i know we are all "out of wack" as they used to say. We are living with my parents at this present moment due to the economy and lack of job opportunity. So, yes, as i go about my day, i do try to let grace flow freely off my words and attitude and actions. My kids are just as confused to what God is allowing in our family right now as Jason and i are! I can't expect them to just adapt over night, can i?
so, the title of this post is "when will i STOP learning?". My answer to that is, "i hope i never have to stop learning". the moment i STOP learning is the moment i lose my family.
ok, enough beating around the bush! let me just be unashamedly honest! after i did "come to my senses" i realized that i was going to snap at them for being out of bed! (i didn't snap at them because i caught myself) again, if you know me, sleep is VERY important in our family! i believe that kids should take naps and have a decent bed time every evening! (obviously there are exceptions to every rule depending on family activities for the day/night) Jay and i have also taught our kids not to get out of bed until mommy or daddy come get them! this morning was a perfect example of WHY we don't want them wandering around the house when everyone else is sleeping! Lord only knows what they could get into!
anyways, back to my point! when will i EVER learn to err on the side of love and compassion instead of "going back to the rule book!" my goodness! i've NEVER been one to follow the rule book! ahh...yet another facet of my personality change since becoming a mom! hmm...personality change?? i have always liked my personality, for the most part! i'm pretty easy going...definitey the definition of "fun" whenever we're hanging out with friends...i'm also very thoughtful and kind. i don't want a personality change! maybe i wouldn't mind so much if i thought the changes were all positive; however, 1 HUGE flaw in my personality that has been THROWN in my face during this whole "motherhood" thing, is how selfish i am in my heart. it never came out very often before kids; now afterwards, when from sun up to sun down my whole world is but not limited to: apple juice, diapers, sippy cups, plastic silverware and spiderman underwear, oh! can't forget Playhouse Disney!! (my favorite show is most definitely handy manny! Mr. Lopart is ridiculous!) i certaintly believe that every kid needs rules, i believe the parents should both be in agreement with and enforce each rule. But, Christ didn't live by a bunch of rules. as a follower of Christ, i should live by the Holy Spirit's guidance. so, i could practically say that, "if i would 'be still and know' more about Christ, I would be more lead by the Holy Spirit to be less selfish when the kids get up 30 minutes early cause the sun comes up early now!" I would be more lead by the Spirit to err on the side of love and compassion, correct??
this whole event probably was 5 seconds from start to finish! and my boys and i have had a GREAT day! ( cambree as well! lol...) We have been on nature hikes today and read a few books as well! we ate Lightning McQueen chicken noodle soup with Ritz crackers for lunch and now they are napping! They probably didn't think anything about my "SHH" this morning! I wonder if my kids will ever know how much time i actually spend loving them in my heart, thinking about them when they sleep, watching them when they play, praying that each of them will accept Christ at a young age, and also, racking my brain and my emotions with how much my attitude and actions will shape and mold their little lives!!! will they EVER fully be able to comprehend this? or is it something in life that everyone has to experience to fully be aware of the endless task and labor of love parenting really is! i know we are all "out of wack" as they used to say. We are living with my parents at this present moment due to the economy and lack of job opportunity. So, yes, as i go about my day, i do try to let grace flow freely off my words and attitude and actions. My kids are just as confused to what God is allowing in our family right now as Jason and i are! I can't expect them to just adapt over night, can i?
so, the title of this post is "when will i STOP learning?". My answer to that is, "i hope i never have to stop learning". the moment i STOP learning is the moment i lose my family.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Longings of a Mother's heart
ok, i know that nobody is perfect! But as a mom, i try to be perfect, and my question is....has anyone ever been the PERFECT mom??? if the answer is "no"...which, of course, i'm leaning towards...then why in the world am i so disappointed when i'm not?? these thoughts come into my head quite often! i'm no your "typical" commen sense thinker. I'm emotional and i feel deeply! like...to the VERY core of my being. now, in some ways...this is amazing...but on a negative side...i can never just seem to be happy with being "me". there is so much to learn and so many things to experience! but there is 1 job that cannot be outdone...and that's the job of being a MOMMA!!!
so, i find myself 27 years old, married to a wonderful man, and a mom of 3 babies! i NEVER thought i'd EVER get to this place in my life! Growing up was fun! i remember living it up when i was a senior in highschool! i remember being sooooo undoubtedly ready to graduate and be an "adult"! And then, I remember going to college and having a BLAST, but losing myself in the process! making decisions that would literally change the course of my life forever, and i never thought twice!
I'm a very "in the moment" person...well, at least, i used to be. as a mom, i find myself worrying over that stupid little fire ant that is fumbling it's way over the bumpy pavement to my son's foot; and a myriad of thoughts run through my head! "omg! it's gonna bite Noah!"; "i have to step on that thing before it gets to him"...and blah, blah, blah. I also find myself losing sleep over that 1 little extra blanket cambree wanted to take to bed with her..."what if it gets caught around her little head and she can't get out??"; "but she really wants to sleep with it...hmm...well, i'll stay awake till she falls asleep and then i'll grab it out of her crib." Haha! I mean, what happened to the carefree girl who LIVED (literally) to drive around with the windows down; the music BLARING at the stoplights; and my best friends in the back hanging out the window laughing hysterically!?! I never even noticed ants before! lol...i never cared how many blankets were on the bed! how amazingly different the path of life i have chosen has made me!
Now, don't get me wrong, these changes are the BEST things that have EVER happened to me. These "changes" were so necessary for me to be the BEST possible person i can be! These "changes" are my life....my love...my happiness! These "changes" are my precious angels that DESERVE the PERFECT mom! But for some reason...in God's sovereign will, He placed them in MY so "unperfect" care! the nostalgia that i feel isn't one of regret, but utter and complete disbelief that the Almighty God would think i was "perfect" enough to raise my kids!
so, i find myself 27 years old, married to a wonderful man, and a mom of 3 babies! i NEVER thought i'd EVER get to this place in my life! Growing up was fun! i remember living it up when i was a senior in highschool! i remember being sooooo undoubtedly ready to graduate and be an "adult"! And then, I remember going to college and having a BLAST, but losing myself in the process! making decisions that would literally change the course of my life forever, and i never thought twice!
I'm a very "in the moment" person...well, at least, i used to be. as a mom, i find myself worrying over that stupid little fire ant that is fumbling it's way over the bumpy pavement to my son's foot; and a myriad of thoughts run through my head! "omg! it's gonna bite Noah!"; "i have to step on that thing before it gets to him"...and blah, blah, blah. I also find myself losing sleep over that 1 little extra blanket cambree wanted to take to bed with her..."what if it gets caught around her little head and she can't get out??"; "but she really wants to sleep with it...hmm...well, i'll stay awake till she falls asleep and then i'll grab it out of her crib." Haha! I mean, what happened to the carefree girl who LIVED (literally) to drive around with the windows down; the music BLARING at the stoplights; and my best friends in the back hanging out the window laughing hysterically!?! I never even noticed ants before! lol...i never cared how many blankets were on the bed! how amazingly different the path of life i have chosen has made me!
Now, don't get me wrong, these changes are the BEST things that have EVER happened to me. These "changes" were so necessary for me to be the BEST possible person i can be! These "changes" are my life....my love...my happiness! These "changes" are my precious angels that DESERVE the PERFECT mom! But for some reason...in God's sovereign will, He placed them in MY so "unperfect" care! the nostalgia that i feel isn't one of regret, but utter and complete disbelief that the Almighty God would think i was "perfect" enough to raise my kids!
Say HI to the family!!
Hello Everyone!
so many people have suggested that I start a blog so....here i am starting a blog:) after messing up my password to my gmail account, I guess I'm ready to write! I am so proud of myself because if anyone knows me, they know how "unsavvy" i am with computer stuff! i know, i know...in my generation, I should be able to create a computer by now! alas!! I'm just as clueless as all of our grandparents at this type of thing! lol..
I have 3 beautiful, loveable, spunky, and strong willed children! jason and I are so in love with them that we don't know what to do with ourselves most of the time! These kids are stinking hilarious! I am amazed at the crazy things that come out of their mouths!!
My husband jason is what i would say....AMAZING!! my weaknesses are his strengths and my strengths are his weaknesses!! we compliment each other in a way only God could design! He is a "gentle giant"!! he's 6'4" and i'm 5'2"....haha...(hence the 'giant' part)
Isaac is our first born:) He is 4!!!! i can't believe it! i don't think about it too much because then i find myself sad. In my mind i'm still in our house in Indiana as a brand new bride wondering why "aunt flo" was late!!!!! haha...(i forgot to mention before you started reading that i am WAY honest about everything!) so...before you proceed, please remember that!! ;) ok...anyways...i was talking about....oh yeah!!! finding out i was pregnant with our first child! ok, so I still feel like I am back there at that time, but in reality; i'm sitting our house in Jacksonville and Isaac is 4 years old!
Noah is our 2nd child! he is 2.5!! again...i can't believe it! He's our 2 year old that looks like a 5 year old!! haha;) he takes after daddy in his size!! i love this kid...he is our most strong-willed kid, yet!! whew...noah's birth was a whirlwind!! when he decided to come out...he came out and that was that!! 5 hours total from first contraction to him taking his first breath in the world!! amazingly painful, i might add!!!
then there's Cambree...ahh...my lil' mamasita!! she is 11 months old!! born here in Jacksonville and SUCH a momma's girl!! YAY:):) to be honest, I was scared to have a girl! i prayed for my 1st 2 kids to be boy's, and Praise the Lord, they were;) by the time i was pregnant with Cami, i'd say that "secretly" i wanted a girl, finally, but i was scared to say it out loud for fear that i'd have another boy and then feel guilty over wanting a girl! haha...can we say....HORMONES!!!! but i didn't need to worry, the Lord knew my "secret" and He made that wish come true as well;) Cambree is a totaly joy! Such an easy-going baby. Always a smile, Always dancing to the music! that MY girl;)
Welcome to my family:)
so many people have suggested that I start a blog so....here i am starting a blog:) after messing up my password to my gmail account, I guess I'm ready to write! I am so proud of myself because if anyone knows me, they know how "unsavvy" i am with computer stuff! i know, i know...in my generation, I should be able to create a computer by now! alas!! I'm just as clueless as all of our grandparents at this type of thing! lol..
I have 3 beautiful, loveable, spunky, and strong willed children! jason and I are so in love with them that we don't know what to do with ourselves most of the time! These kids are stinking hilarious! I am amazed at the crazy things that come out of their mouths!!
My husband jason is what i would say....AMAZING!! my weaknesses are his strengths and my strengths are his weaknesses!! we compliment each other in a way only God could design! He is a "gentle giant"!! he's 6'4" and i'm 5'2"....haha...(hence the 'giant' part)
Isaac is our first born:) He is 4!!!! i can't believe it! i don't think about it too much because then i find myself sad. In my mind i'm still in our house in Indiana as a brand new bride wondering why "aunt flo" was late!!!!! haha...(i forgot to mention before you started reading that i am WAY honest about everything!) so...before you proceed, please remember that!! ;) ok...anyways...i was talking about....oh yeah!!! finding out i was pregnant with our first child! ok, so I still feel like I am back there at that time, but in reality; i'm sitting our house in Jacksonville and Isaac is 4 years old!
Noah is our 2nd child! he is 2.5!! again...i can't believe it! He's our 2 year old that looks like a 5 year old!! haha;) he takes after daddy in his size!! i love this kid...he is our most strong-willed kid, yet!! whew...noah's birth was a whirlwind!! when he decided to come out...he came out and that was that!! 5 hours total from first contraction to him taking his first breath in the world!! amazingly painful, i might add!!!
then there's Cambree...ahh...my lil' mamasita!! she is 11 months old!! born here in Jacksonville and SUCH a momma's girl!! YAY:):) to be honest, I was scared to have a girl! i prayed for my 1st 2 kids to be boy's, and Praise the Lord, they were;) by the time i was pregnant with Cami, i'd say that "secretly" i wanted a girl, finally, but i was scared to say it out loud for fear that i'd have another boy and then feel guilty over wanting a girl! haha...can we say....HORMONES!!!! but i didn't need to worry, the Lord knew my "secret" and He made that wish come true as well;) Cambree is a totaly joy! Such an easy-going baby. Always a smile, Always dancing to the music! that MY girl;)
Welcome to my family:)
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