ok, i know that nobody is perfect! But as a mom, i try to be perfect, and my question is....has anyone ever been the PERFECT mom??? if the answer is "no"...which, of course, i'm leaning towards...then why in the world am i so disappointed when i'm not?? these thoughts come into my head quite often! i'm no your "typical" commen sense thinker. I'm emotional and i feel deeply! like...to the VERY core of my being. now, in some ways...this is amazing...but on a negative side...i can never just seem to be happy with being "me". there is so much to learn and so many things to experience! but there is 1 job that cannot be outdone...and that's the job of being a MOMMA!!!
so, i find myself 27 years old, married to a wonderful man, and a mom of 3 babies! i NEVER thought i'd EVER get to this place in my life! Growing up was fun! i remember living it up when i was a senior in highschool! i remember being sooooo undoubtedly ready to graduate and be an "adult"! And then, I remember going to college and having a BLAST, but losing myself in the process! making decisions that would literally change the course of my life forever, and i never thought twice!
I'm a very "in the moment" person...well, at least, i used to be. as a mom, i find myself worrying over that stupid little fire ant that is fumbling it's way over the bumpy pavement to my son's foot; and a myriad of thoughts run through my head! "omg! it's gonna bite Noah!"; "i have to step on that thing before it gets to him"...and blah, blah, blah. I also find myself losing sleep over that 1 little extra blanket cambree wanted to take to bed with her..."what if it gets caught around her little head and she can't get out??"; "but she really wants to sleep with it...hmm...well, i'll stay awake till she falls asleep and then i'll grab it out of her crib." Haha! I mean, what happened to the carefree girl who LIVED (literally) to drive around with the windows down; the music BLARING at the stoplights; and my best friends in the back hanging out the window laughing hysterically!?! I never even noticed ants before! lol...i never cared how many blankets were on the bed! how amazingly different the path of life i have chosen has made me!
Now, don't get me wrong, these changes are the BEST things that have EVER happened to me. These "changes" were so necessary for me to be the BEST possible person i can be! These "changes" are my life....my love...my happiness! These "changes" are my precious angels that DESERVE the PERFECT mom! But for some reason...in God's sovereign will, He placed them in MY so "unperfect" care! the nostalgia that i feel isn't one of regret, but utter and complete disbelief that the Almighty God would think i was "perfect" enough to raise my kids!
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