i just really miss him....

let me just start by saying, i don't want this to be a sappy, country love song type of post; however, i'm afraid that's what it will turn into! so, just bare with me. i'm not even a fraction of the way thru this whole ordeal with my husband being gone, and it seems like he's been gone for a whole year instead of the 2 weeks in reality. i can see myself filling up any spare moment with probably meaningless tasks just so i don't get a chance to sit down and think about him.

5 1/2 years ago, Jesus sent a guy across my path and i never have been the same. I've been stretched as a person, love has been put thru the fire, and trust has never been stronger with anyone else in the world. He keeps me on my toes, puts me in my place when needed, loves me unconditionally, takes pride in my accomplishments, encourages me to see Christ thru a child's eyes, and, what else can i say? He's my best friend, my love, my heart, my hope. and now he is thousands of miles away. i don't trust anyone like i trust Jay. i have so many things i can't wait to share with him when does finally return. i look at my kids and just see him in their faces.

i'm so proud to be with someone like jay. if any of you knew the kind of person i was before i met him...then you can understand why I am proud to be with HIM. i was throwing my life away left and right, so for me to end up with jay can only be described in 1 word...Mercy. jason was my "saving grace", if you will. God sent him to bring me out of the pit i had dug for myself. Now, i hope the title of this post makes sense. it's more than just "oh yeah, my husband is away and it's hard raising 3 kids by myself"....oddly enough, i can get over that...what's hard is having the other half of me gone....my best friend, my love, my life, my hope.

i love you jay...come home safely! we are ok here...but we ARE not whole without you!

hot hot hot!

wow!! it is sooo hot in florida right now! we have had the first full week with jay being gone, and we are fairing well! he was allowed to call me for 5 minutes on sunday! wow...i've always thought that even 1 minute is a lot longer than we all think...but now i feel differently! 5 minutes talking to jay(which basically sounded like, "hey babe! i love you! i miss you!" and jay.."i love you to. ok i have to go now!") to be honest, we got to say a little more than that, but not too much.

the kids are doing pretty well, but they are now starting to cry extra hard when they get in trouble or get hurt. and without fail it always ends with, "i miss my daddy!". so, with the idea from another friend, i have gotten a jar full of hershey kisses (1 for everyday that jay is gone). We eat 1 every night before bed..."chocolate kisses fromm daddy!" (thank you deanna for the idea!) we also made chore charts yesterday so that the kids can earn stickers every day for their certain chores and then at the end of the week they will get paid for .50 cents for every sticker they have on theire chart for the week! so they will both have the chance to get $3 a week...cause i'm on ly mkaing them do Mon thru Fri. chores. we will see how it works out!

overall, we are blessed. can't wait to find a place of our own! that's the next order of business!!

Military Life...Military Wife??!!

ok...i have not blogged in awhile, but that comes with good reason. My husband joined the army and just shipped off for 20 weeks yesterday!! so...the last month was spent with him and the kids trying to squeeze in every little activity we could!! such activities included...going to the beach...enjoying and full day at Sea World...doing some mindless "shopping" (with Zippo dollars in the bank)...and we ate out occasionally (again with Zippo dollars in the bank!)...hah!

my goal is to blog daily while Jason is away. now as reality sets in...i'm gonna be happy with blogging 1 time a week! i mean, come on!...i'm a mom of 3 VERY active babies and i do a TON of cakes every week! anyways...i will try my best no matter what. This blog will be my best friend for 5 months! lol:) so either enjoy or...don't read! :)

so, like i have mentioned, my husband is off to basic training and then A.I.T school to be Military Police. now, let me just explain how "funny" God is. the only 2 people i said i would NEVER marry (when i was younger) was someone in the military and someone who is a cop! hmm...God has jokes, people...big funny jokes! How interesting and utterly ridiculous it is for us to sit here and think that "we" are controlling our lives! God, in His unique and sovereign way, is up in heaven...planning and orchestrating every single second of our lives! He allows so many different trials to come into our lives...He never causes them, but he does allow them for some reason. Most of the time, it's to bring us back to Him. i completely bow down before Him right now and give Him all the glory and honor. He is so powerful and loving, simultaneously! I am nothing without Him! Thank you Lord, for caring enough about me and my family to guide us and direct us even when we act "so human".

i'm not entirely positive that reality has set in yet. I'm a military wife...what the heck does that even mean?? i feel as though jay is only on a business trip and will return in a few days. (it's called denial...i know that). my kids are clueless to where "daddy" went...but when it does set in that daddy isn't coming back for awhile....i wonder how they will take it. i'm grateful for the opportunity God has given our family...and i'm looking forward to where he will lead us from here. i miss my husband...it's only gonna get harder as the weeks pass, but i know that this will all be worth it in the end!